Forced entry (I'm so punny)

This is me forcing myself to write a blog entry. Hi!

I have cleaned my nest very thoroughly and moved crap around and the affection I feel for it is bordering on unhealthy. I really really really love my bedroom/studio/computer room, you guys. I sit and stare at it a lot.

I have been focusing on fixing small snags in my daily life to make things easier and more flowy. For instance I have set up an over-zealous trash system to reduce the amount of garbage lying around waiting to get sorted  for recycling by purchasing four small trashcans for my main room; one for metal, one for plastic, one for paper packages and one for general garbage. I have put these on my wall. It looks surprisingly nice and I feel all organised and good when I put things in the rightful container. I've done something similar in the kitchen too. I have also gotten a laundry hamper for the absurd amount of Pepsi Max bottles that tend to gather around me. Plus I now have five laundry hampers spread across the place to keep the clothing on the floor at a minimum. So far it's working like a charm. I still need to make my kitchen feel friendlier so i won't hate spending time in there. When I moved in here I thought it was a great idea to have an all black and white kitchen, but now the lack of colour in there just makes me sad, and I avoid spending any length of time in there if possible. I wish I had painted the walls orange. Maybe I will some time.

I realized a few days ago that I might have gotten stuck in the preparation phase again. I'm all "Okay, I will start painting once I have finished cleaning..." and then I get stuck on all kinds of ridiculous details and never get around to painting because, you know, it's crucial for my painting process that the plants are placed perfectly in the window, or that there are enough red things on that shelf. It's very silly. So I've decided that tomorrow is the day I stop getting ready to do things and start doing things. I'm going to try out my drawing table, and my sister is coming over to hang out and talk about some plans we have for the future.

I'm not listening to music very much at the moment. I go through periods when I kind of forget music exists and just do everything in silence. It's a bit strange since normally I listen to music 90% of the time. Right now it's not so much about silence as it is about YouTube documentaries on paganism and the paranormal, because I'm awesome like that.

I'm doing pretty good in general. Things feel good, like I'm not fighting myself so much anymore. I'm a bit proud of myself because I really have gotten a lot better at stopping negative thoughts before they settle down in my brain and start acting like they own the place. I had two extremely difficult days in late December that were quite frightening, but other than that I have really done very well. I recognize when my brain starts to go funny so much quicker than I used to, and I know how to slap sense into it and get it back on track. (Also those two bad days taught me two things: I should not be alone on holidays and birthdays even if I think it's no big deal, and that I need to be extra cautious a few days before my period because holy hell hormones are such epic drama-loving bitches!) Okay, it feels like I have written this exact same thing many times before. Whatever. It's still... good. Or something. GO AWAY.

Naomi and I went to the recycling center/dump/whatsit tonight and it was so exciting! It felt like a field trip! It's so strangely intriguing to me to see where people's junk goes, and everything felt so organized and weirdly cozy, probably much because it was dark, in the middle of the woods and the girl who worked there was lovely. I kiiind of really want to work there. It seems so nice. It would be so satisfying to sort crap into dumpsters all day and wear cool overalls. They had a little cottage thing that looked really nice too.

I have been having very vivid dreams lately. My favourite involved a rather terrifying humongous moose that had no front legs and jumped around on its hind legs like a monstrous kangaroo.

Here are some photos.

Hehehe. Naomi sleeping on my cluttered bed.

John and Edward trying to get to my lucious fern. Hooligans!

My face. Hi.

Birthday celebration number two. Aunt Mai-Britt, dad, bed-jumping Miranda, mean aunt Kerstin and uncle Lennart. Miranda and I decorated the cake. It was tasty but quite ugly.

These photos make it seem like I never go outside. This is largely accurate.